Adoption: Even When It’s Easy, It’s Really Not

Adoption: Even When It’s Easy, It’s Really Not

- in Editorial

Diane-1-e1436913200571By Diane Ponist, The Next Family

Our 4th of July this year was a little different than in previous years. In the past it’s been a day trip to the Jersey Shore or a simple BBQ at our best friend’s house. But this year we provided respite for sibling brothers needing temporary housing. So we had a total of seven children at our house for the holiday. We agree to this from time to time because we love to meet new faces and children. Because these boys were extremely well behaved, it was an extra treat. And our own boys got to have a sleepover for a few days, which is nice sometimes.

The day before our holiday, Kasey’s case worker came over for her monthly visit. Although we enjoy seeing the case worker, she left us in an unexpected mental state.

A lot has happened since I last wrote about Kasey. Due to her bio mom’s lack of interest, Kasey has not been having visits with her. Last month at court we were told about goal change to adoption. With every other child in our house, even though they experienced abuse and/or neglect, the bios still wanted to be involved, resulting in some sort of fight around adoption.

Daine-2-e1436913286879But with Kasey, we were told her bio mom never even showed up for court. She apparently called the caseworker days later, saying “I guess I missed court, huh?” The case worker told her Kasey is going to be adopted soon, unless she wants to turn things around by coming to a family meeting with all the case workers. She first displayed no concern at all, then agreed to go to the meeting, but ultimately never even showed up.

While it seems ideal -the ability to adopt a baby with really no strings attached or rarely any visits with the bio parents- it’s actually very painful. Kasey went straight to adoption, which is actually one of the hardest things to explain to our little girl.

So, as excited as we were to adopt her, the bio mom’s lack of interest hurts. This gorgeous little girl is just being dismissed. Our baby is better than this -how do we explain this to her later in life? All the other kids know their bios, and, as emotionally draining as that can be, they at least know why they are here and getting adopted. How do we explain this to her when she will be old enough to understand?!



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