Advice: Is It Wrong to Talk About Exes with Your Partner?

Advice: Is It Wrong to Talk About Exes with Your Partner?

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eb30b20b2dfc003ecd0b470de7444e90fe76e7d51bb4184491f1c6_640_two-womenIt is often considered one of the biggest turn-offs in a new relationship, but is it ever appropriate to bring up the past, and discuss exes with your partner?

What they don’t want to know

Of course, some subjects surrounding your ex shouldn’t be broached with your partner, whether your relationship is new or you’ve been together a little while.

As a rule of thumb:

  • Don’t compare what your partner with your ex
  • Don’t over-emphasise their popularity with your parents or friends
  • Don’t bombard a partner with all the negatives
  • Don’t reminisce when you visit places with your new partner
  • Don’t detail how she was in the bedroom

Start as you mean to go on

When we enter a new relationship, we like to present ourselves afresh. We wipe the slate clean and go about things as though we carry no emotional baggage. Yet, for many adults on the dating scene, this simply isn’t the case.

While it certainly isn’t advisable to spend the first date, or even the first few months of your newfound relationship relentlessly discussing details of the past, it doesn’t hurt to drop in a little context.

Every relationship should be based on truths about each other. It’s impossible to build anything meaningful with your match, without an honest foundation. If things have caused problems in the past, go over it. If this means you’re looking for something specific in the future, let them know. If the ex is still causing some issues, it’s best that they’re aware of the situation.

It may not seem ideal, but there are times when talking about exes early on in a relationship will really strengthen anything good that you’ve got going on.

Opening up emotionally

As time moves on, experts find that couples who openly discuss their past have a greater chance of seeing things out long-term. Of course that doesn’t necessarily mean describing every one of your past local bangs and adventures, but your current partner does need to know about your past experience if they are to understand you better.

It is ever so important that partners are aware of any heartbreak, that they can discuss them together. This helps both parties relate any relationship worries or woes to past experience. They can work through them together, emotionally supporting one another effectively. It also paints a fuller picture of the person you hold so dear. How can you truly know someone without holding any insight into their past?

Talking over past mistakes with a loved one builds up a strong trust relationship. It signifies that you are allowing someone into your life, that you are ready to divulge what has hit you hard, alongside any mistakes you have made.

When we bring up our exes, the conversation should always be about moving forward. Shine a positive light on times gone by. Talk over what can be learnt from lost loves. Show that you have since grown, and that you are truly ready to start again.

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