Lohan guest-hosted E’s Chelsea Lately August 5, appearing happy, healthy and ready to make fun of herself. She opened the show talking about her “vacation” at rehab.
“Chelsea’s not here, and I actually don’t know where she is, but I did see someone who looked like her moving into my old room at Cliffside,” Lohan joked, referring to the rehab facility (for more on the facility, you can visit Promises Malibu ratings and reviews). “As you all know, for the last 90 days I’ve been on a lovely court-ordered vacation in Malibu. But on a real note, it was really great and wonderful. It was. So, I’ve been through a lot lately, and I’ve got a lot of people to thank for that, most notably the celebrities who kept the tabloid industry alive in my absence.”
“Like Anthony Weiner,” she joked. “I want to thank Anthony for being a such dick with an unlimited texting plan.” Lohan also thanked Kanye West or “acting like a baby and making a baby” with Kim Kardashian. She then jokingly complained, “How come when Kanye acts like an idiot, he gets a gold record, but when I act like an idiot, I get a police record? I still haven’t figured that out.”
“I want to thank you, Justin Bieber, for peeing where you shouldn’t, spitting where you shouldn’t and wearing your pants where you shouldn’t,” Lohan teased. “But most of all, I would like to thank the one person who’s captured the worldwide attention of all of the tabloids: the royal baby.”
Lohan joined comics Brad Wollack, Fortune Feimster and Jen Kirkman to humorously cover news of the day and Lohan even threw in a few jokes making fun of her sexuality when they talked of One Direction’s Harry Styles possibly being bisexual. (“Been there!” she said.)
She may be a substance-abusing, car crashing, no longer bisexual red-head, but she is very good at making light of her own situation and getting the audience to see her goofy side.
“I’m back, I’m happy, I’m healthy, and sorry paparazzi, but if you want to take pictures of someone who’s really f-cked up, you’re just gonna have to wait until Chelsea’s back.”