Relationships can get into ruts and become engulfed in unwanted patterns, making it difficult to see the forest through the trees. As partners, we witness all the good, the bad and the ugly, the unpleasant habits, and the most boring parts of everyday life. All this can cause what was once shiny and new to become tarnished and dull, taking a little elbow grease to make it sparkle again.
Making the conscious choice to change the dynamic of our relationship automatically starts to shift the energy. Recognizing where we are and that we want a better life with our partners is the most important part, we can then start practicing some techniques to get out of the habitual patterns and create the relationships we all deserve.
#1-Get Creative! Take actions that push you out of your comfort zone. Shake it up a little by doing something different. If you’re not the cook in the household, find a recipe and make your best effort to create an edible dish. Initiate sex on a Tuesday. Create a date night for your partner that involves something they have never seen you do. Write a love note. Whatever it is that you don’t normally, do that!
Pushing our comfort level is beneficial to us because our whole perspective starts to change. Also, it shows our partners that we are willing to step outside our box in order to make them happy. This can be quite the romantic gesture.
#2-Focus on the positive! Help yourself fall in love again by noticing the amazing person that you, at one time, couldn’t stop thinking about. Remind yourself of all those feelings you had in the beginning by writing down all the qualities you fell for. Look at your partner now through the rose-colored glasses that you had when you first met.
It takes effort to see the positive when there is a lot of water under the bridge. It is very easy to focus on what gets on our nerves and our tendency is to see the negative first. If we decide to bring our partners good qualities to the forefront, it will affect the way we feel about them. Hence, changing the energy of our interactions and patterns.
#3-Lighten up! Play, be silly, laugh loud and hard. If you need a kickstart, grab your partner and try a childlike activity. Blowing bubbles works tremendously well to get our wonder and silly back (it also makes us breathe more deeply). Play-Doh, painting or cookie decorating can bring out the giggles and really bad jokes are also an effective way to break the ice.
The current state of our society and the constant bombardment of negative can make it difficult to let go and play. Do everything you can to pull some of the stones out of your pockets that have been weighing you down.
#4-Pay attention to your interactions! How do you speak to your partner when you get frustrated with them? Are you treating them as well, if not better, than you would a friend or a coworker? Be aware of how much compassion and respect that you show them and remember that everyone wants to be loved and honored.
Changing the way we communicate with our partners takes a lot of self-awareness. Subconsciously we treat every relationship differently and that is OK, but it is easy to slip into bad intrapersonal habits with the people we spend much of our time with. The dynamic can’t change if we aren’t aware of our own contributions to it.
As with everything, simply do your best. Some days you may be able to create the relationship you’ve always dreamt of. Other days your best may be remembering that your partner’s annoying habit is not as important as how loving they were when you lost someone you cared about.
Dawn Celeste McGregor is a Writer and Relationship Coach. Contact Dawn at expansiveconnections.com or at firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule a FREE 30 minute consultation. Check out Expansive Connections on Facebook.