With the new year there comes a feeling of reset and of fresh starts. I’ve always seen the beginning of a new year as a very creative and dynamic time. We all think about our resolutions for the upcoming year and getting our groove on seems like the perfect way to utilize that energy. Let face it, its been a tough one. I am glad that 2017 is over and am ready to begin this year with more pleasure. Maybe it’s time to make a passionate resolution for more and better sex.
If you are already gettin’ some consistently and want the affirmation that you are already doing all of these things or maybe just want to freshen it up a bit, skip to the next paragraph. If you’re in a lull, then you’ve got to start somewhere. Make the decision to just DO IT. Many go through time periods where they don’t get it on like they used to. The hot and heavy has faded into wistful thoughts when others talk about how they chose sex over sleep, yet again. Logically, you know you want to, but it’s been long enough where it seems like that part of the relationship just isn’t that important anymore. I’ve got news for those who have lost their mojo, it’s NOT over, it CAN come back at any time and it IS important. My advice, just jump in, stop thinking about it, making excuses and go for it. All while making it glaringly obvious to your partner that now is the time to light that fire. Once we are all on the same page about the need for more shagging in 2018, here are some things that can make it even more phenomenal.
Communication about what one wants is always a great idea. I know, easier said than done. But we can’t make assumptions that our partner is in tune with our every need and desire or about what they want or are open to. See Restructuring Relationship Agreements, on making assumptions. My suggestion is to have a fun and exploratory conversation. Be genuinely curious and open minded to your partners’ responses and express your desires without fear. Most insecurities about sexual communication is in your head. This will make for a shameless and exciting discussion that can carry into the bedroom. Having a sense of humor about it also makes it more comfortable and playful, bringing out possibilities that could lead to getting down and dirty in ways you’ve only imagined.
Humor within intimacy is also quite useful, as it is often messy and sometimes awkward. Laughing, a lot, keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously. In turn, opening us to whatever the experience brings. Laughing during and about getting groovy breaks a barrier, making the whole experience more fun and relaxed. Also, making it easier to release our attachments to shame.
Shame…oh shame, my friends, is the bedrooms worst enemy. We all have shame; think about times when you’ve been having a sexual experience and shame about your body or your performance distract you from pleasure. Shame seems to surface more in intimate situations than any other time. Especially, when we are naked, and it involves bodily functions; we are much more vulnerable at those moments of exposure. But shame does not have to hold us back. To eliminate these enemies in the bedroom, start by being aware that they are there, notice them, then don’t react. Repeat. And repeat, and repeat, noticing how your partner responds to the release. Let that be the positive affirmation to being fully present and engaged. You will see a difference in all aspect of your life, if shame isn’t allowed to run the show while making love.
Once shame is released, we can experience sexuality on a whole new level. Opening to your partner creates awesome chemistry and natural flow. What I mean by opening is a sense of relaxation into the moment, being able to express our enjoyment and release control of ourselves. Remaining open is a huge turn on to our partners, they open when we open. It’s amazing how reflective our partners are. When we release our sexual hang ups it frees us to move with the energy of the encounter and to read our lovers’ body more efficiently. Openness also cultivates acceptance of oneself and others which is never a bad thing in a trusted relationship. The erotic is a wonderful place to practice this art.
Learning your lovers body and what makes them purr is always going to result in more pleasure for the both of you. Pay attention, watch their reactions. Listen to their breathing and watch their physical responses, being aware with all your senses: smell, touch, hearing, sight and taste. Take them in and revel in them, become fascinated by the amazing things that touch and intention can do. Use these insights as a guide. Using all your senses to read their body reveals pleasure you never thought possible, bringing unsurmountable delight to you both.
Once you start to focus on how interesting and magical your lovers’ body is, pleasure in pleasing them will follow. Many people focus on I’ll give you yours, so I get mine. This makes half of the adventure more work than gratification. I recommend ridding oneself of the ideology that there is a separation between your pleasure and your partners’. It is very possible to sever our attachment to a reciprocity mentality. When we do, we create a situation where we find extreme enjoyment in exploring and understanding our partners body. Naturally, we start to find immense joy in the experience we are giving them.
Once we decide that getting busy is important and that we can rekindle that type of relationship at any time, our possibilities are endless. Communication with a sense of humor in and about the bedroom releases much of the restraints that restrict us from extraordinary relations. We can discover so much awesome about ourselves and our partners’ by asking the right questions and making the conversation fun. When we eliminate shame and promote openness, we can go with the flow. This practice goes beyond making love into finding expansion throughout our lives. Finally, when we find passion in learning and exploring our partners bodies, we create an experience that is always exceptional.
I hope that making a passionate resolution will bring much pleasure to your 2018.
Dawn Celeste McGregor is a Writer and Relationship Coach. Contact Dawn at expansiveconnections.com or at firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule a FREE 30-minute consultation. Check out Expansive Connections on Facebook.